It has been the worst spring, and by worst, I mean coldest. It’s felt like endless setbacks, and spring itself has felt like a certain horrible idea that feels like truth to me: life will never change and good things don’t really happen. I know that good things do happen of course, but I don’t know in my bones that good things happen to ME. What feels more true, and what I can say unequivocally, is that in the midst of hardship, there is tremendous grace, and much good has come from things that look bad at first glance. THAT I can say without a doubt.

I was talking with a friend recently, casting doubt on the possibility of a particular good thing ever coming to pass, and he said, “You believe in God, and you can’t believe this can ever happen?!” It was like the kindest slap in the face. He’s agnostic, and he was genuinely shocked that I can find faith for an unseen God but none for a bit of optimism.

I’m pondering.

I do know this: It was 50 degrees and windy on Sunday. I’m not sure that it would have felt balmy in February, but it definitely didn’t on April 29. But yesterday, leaves finally made an appearance on the trees, and today it is 86 degrees. I am trying to soak in the warmth and tell myself that things do change, sometimes more quickly that we expect.