In college, when my faith became much more real to me, I developed a somewhat understanding relationship with pain and suffering. It seemed clear to me that pain was a teacher, sent to help me grow. 

It wasn’t until my later twenties, in a charismatic church, that I was introduced to the idea that God doesn’t want us to suffer and never “causes” suffering. I slid down that rabbit hole for a few years, but eventually emerged, although not unscathed. As Jesus said, “In this world, you will have trouble.” It’s just a part of the fabric of things. When we pretend it isn’t, then we spend all our time fighting rather than surrendering, and we don’t learn much.

In the gospels there is a story about the disciples rowing across a lake at night. Here’s part of the story (from Mark 6):

Later that night, the boat was in the middle of the lake, and he [Jesus] was alone on land. He saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them. Shortly before dawn he went out to them, walking on the lake. He was about to pass by them,  but when they saw him walking on the lake, they thought he was a ghost. They cried out,  because they all saw him and were terrified.

Immediately he spoke to them and said, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down.

This story tells me that God shows up in the circumstances that terrify us. A divorce, a death,  a betrayal, a job loss, confusion, sickness, failure—all of it is a disguise. It’s Jesus walking on the water to us, waiting to say, “It is I. Don’t be afraid,” if we will just listen.